I had an incident lately where we were at a birthday party and things were going surprisingly well. I try to go into things like birthday parties with hope but also prepared to be able to leave at any moment. It’s funny I have had friends tell me in the past… yea thats any parent…. but is it?!?! Most of the people I know that has a child almost 8 don’t typically have to leave because of a meltdown and carry out an 80 lb child… they don’t have to worry about the looks when during a meltdown your child is hitting himself and numerous self injurious behaviors and you have to try and not give attention, but make sure they are staying safe at the same time. So, were at this birthday party and all of a sudden while were eating Watson goes over to a boy, taps him on the shoulder (which is such a big deal because like make children with autism for Watson social interaction is learned and not just understood). After tapping him Watson says “Hi”!!! Do you know what a big deal that it… this is something we have worked on in therapy for years! So awesome and made my heart so happy! The rest of the transitions went great until we got to the arcade part of the party… then he spotted a rubber ducky claw machine. This is an arcade we visit on occasion and in the past sometimes we win one and sometimes we don’t… he is usually sad when we don’t win one, he may throw himself on the floor, or hit himself on his face… but this time when time to go and didn’t win one its an extreme meltdown. Like throw himself on the floor, kicking, screaming the whole works while everyone is looking. I have gotten over embarrassment a while ago because judgement from others is something I have experienced with having a special needs child for years now. Look all you want…. I don’t care… But once I talked to him he stood up and I reasoned with him and said do you want to pick a song in the car… he immediately said “Humpty Dumpty”! (Watson is beyond obsessed with Humpty Dumpty) So I said “of course we can listen to that and he finally seemed to calm down. Then out of the blue moves his hand back and slaps me right in the face. To explain what it feels like to have your own child that you created hit you is something that I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words. I was upset, heartbroken, mad all at the same time. I responded with having him do soft touches on my face several times. I think its important to remember that its no different that when someone punches a wall… they aren’t mad at the wall but they are frustrated and some way that frustration needs to leave their body. No different for Watson…. he wasn’t mad at me but at that moment I was the reason that we couldn’t keep trying for a rubber duck that he desperately wanted and therefore he took out his anger and frustration on me. In this world as a parent to a child with autism we hear ALL THE TIME “aggression” is ALWAYS a form of communication” and it may have taken 6 years but I finally can grasp that is true. Not taking it personal is the hardest part, but sometimes through tears, sometimes through talking about it, and sometimes just through time…. I am ready for the next obstacle in this crazy life with autism.
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