I sit there with friends and try so hard to find a balance in everyday conversations about how their child is excelling in school, they made a new friend this school year or how their problems consist of the child not picking up their room. When the entire time I wish that my problems were the same, that I would be planning my week around play dates and figuring out what to have for dinner. When in all actuality my planner looks like a pure mess of 19 hours of therapy a week, juggling how I will be able to make it to the neurologist appointment that is on the other side of town from ABA therapy. How to fit in time everyday with his twin sister so she doesn’t get tossed into the mix of visual schedules and a whole world that has to be specific because autism. Or how I need to pick up something from the store and we will have to drive right by a friends house and it will most definitely cause a meltdown because he wants to stop and play. Or how if our schedule changes just a little bit and the routine is different it will throw off his entire day. How your friends are planning for their children’s future and leaving home where I am just sitting praying everyday he will be independent enough to some what function as an adult. I think all the time about all the time and effort and research we put into the therapies, medications, visual schedules, setting ourselves and our children up for success when sometimes it feels as though we take one step forward and thats a huge deal… but then in an instance we will take 10 steps backwards. When people ask me what I am most afraid of… I never really tell the truth. Because they would never understand that what I’m afraid of is who will care for Watson once I am gone. Will he ever be independent enough to live on his own. Please let me not ever have to place him in a group home. So instead I say I’m afraid of snakes.
